Chapter 1

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Post by Admin on Sun Sep 13, 2015 5:53 pm

"You are sure about this girls?” Shirk said. Although he was trying to hide it there was a hint of resentment and doubt in his voice. Being woken in the middle of the night wasn't his idea of fun, especially since he'd had a few too many drinks the evening before. That and the fact that he hadn't been alone in the bed.

"It's the third time you are asking” growled an irritated Gorin in Shaa's stead.

The smaller dwarf was running a few meters behind the others, robes in his hands to keep from tripping. He was huffing and puffing from exertions but hadn't complained once. He had been drinking the night before with Shirk. The usual competition both enjoyed but Gorin seemed to blame Shirk for his condition.

"It was a vision Shirk." Shaa told the big fighter. “I can't be sure of anything" He slowed his run to get to Gorin side.

"Can't trust magic" he heard the warrior mutter, just loud enough to be heard, clearly still not convinced.

Shaa made a sign to Gorin stopping from answering. He knew full well that Shirk would complain whether he had an audience or not.

Taking out a piece of glowing moss from one of his pouches Shaa spoke a word of power and directed the summoned energy into a pebble he had taken before leaving. It started to glow like a torch, shedding light all around. The forest became alive with shadows. They seemed to be escorting them, rushing along like a deadly cohort intent on their target.

Shaa wished he knew what they would find once they arrived at their destination. He feared they’d be too late do to anything but bury the dead.
They had been running for almost an hour now, heading north toward the Dusttree lodge. Shaa had woken up in sweat, the nightmare, in which the entire family but their daughter he’d seen butchered, still fresh in his mind. He wasn’t sure she would stay safe until they arrived to save her but he knew he had to try. The dream, or vision, he d had had been more then vague. There d been lots of blood, confusion and despair. Underlying it all a feeling of a greater threat but he hadn’t told the others about it. No need to worry them more. Still the sensation felt like a wet velvet cloak, heavy and chilly.

He still didn’t know if the vision had already happened or not but hoping for the latter he rushed on.

He had roused the others and perhaps sensing his urgency and apprehension they had not pestered him but had prepare for the long march as fast as they could. Taking careful care not to awaken the few costumers they had slipped into the cold and overcast night. His wife had watched them go worry on her face.

Watching his two friends running alongside him he gave a silent thanks to the god. After several years of adventuring together and becoming partners when they had decided to settle down for a while they had become part of his growing family.

The two of them couldn’t be more different. Like day and night his wife said but one couldn’t go without the other. Their ongoing banter had started when they had met a few years back and had become a competition of some sort. It was usually more congenial then tonight and never spilled in overt hostility, though they had been a few close calls, but maybe the lack of sleep and urgency of tonight’s matter would get the better of them.
Shirk was a tall heavily muscled warrior in his late twenties with straw blond hair shoulder length and unkempt. He wore a several days beard old that gave him an older look and his piercing blue eyes always held a mischievous glint as if everything was a joke to him.

On the other hand the bookish dwarf had fair, almost white, skin and a slight built. He was average height for a dwarf standing just over 4 feet. His beard and pride, always in perfect order and very neatly trimmed conveyed is meticulous ways. He sported his raven black hair cropped short. There was always a grave look etched on his face and his brown eyes roved over everything, analyzing and appraising.

The difference did not end there. The warrior wore a heavy chain mail shirt which conferred him protection but left his freedom of movement more stiff armor lacked. His right hand was gripping his glaive near the blade, the aft parallel to his body to keep it from getting caught in the branches. A well manufactured warhammer hang at his belt on the left side and the hilt of a hunting knife stood out in his back within easy rich. Another knife, smaller was tightly tied to his boots. On his back bounced in rhythm with his gait a quiver, full of white hafted arrow, and a finely crafted composite bow. An army of one as Shaa called him and having seen him in a fight it was not far from the realty.

The dwarf had only brown light robes. He had no apparent weapon, not even a knife. To tell the truth he had to leave much of his toys back at the inn. Shaa knew that they probably still be there if they had waited for him to be ready. Gorin had grabbed a few ingredients and his book. Even now he was keeping it close to his chest.

Shaa smiled, looking at both of them. Sometimes he didn’t feel like he deserved them.

“Well, I got a ask, can’t you magic us to this girl?” Shirk said breaking the train of his thoughts.

Well maybe he deserved Shirk.

Gorin had been running at top speed to keep up with the longer legged humans and seemed to be struggling despite his dwarven constitution. Unlike many of his folks he had turned to books and spells and the exertion coupled with Shirk’s complaining was putting a strain in his already taunt nerves.
“If you listened to us at all you’d know by now that this isn’t the way it works.” He said sitting the words.

He shook his head to keep the sweat from getting into his eyes and so didn’t see the triumphant grin Shirk sent his way. That grin quickly faded when the warrior saw his friend’s tribulations and he moved to the dwarf’s side and slowed his run. Shaa moved to the other side and also slowed. He nodded his thanks to Shirk over Gorin’s head knowing the dwarf wouldn’t.

The cabin wasn’t very far now. In the dark it was hard to recognize the path even though he had travelled it a few times when he and his friends surveyed the area before settling and buying the inn. The surrounding lands had been relatively calm in the last several months but Shaa had a feeling that it was about to change as the trade routes were reopened.

A shrill whistle broke the night and the trio stopped scanning the trees. Shaa dispelled the light he’d summoned sending the spectral and imaginary guardians back to the darkness.

“You think she found something?” Gorin asked, hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

“Ho no, she just did this to help you recuperate.” Snapped back Shirk in a hushed tone.

“So you are listening. Big words you are using now.” Replied the dwarf scorching glare aimed at the warrior.

Before Shirk answered a scolding voice stopped him.

“Try to keep silent will you. I could hear you from a hundred yards away with your usual bickering. This is serious”.

The green leather clad figure who seemed to melt out of the forest wasn’t smiling. Her dark skin made it even easier for her to hide in the night. She moved toward Shaa staring at down at the two offenders with her piercing almonds eyes clearly conveying what she thought of their childish ways.
Her finely chiseled features spoke of her elven mother’s heritage but her six feet betrayed her father’s human descent. Her silver white hair was cut short in a boyish style that revealed pointed ears. Her strung bow in one hand she waved Shaa to walk with her.

As they walked away Wilfin started to give Shaa the few details she had gathered. Shirk just shrugged and followed, Gorin was a step behind him.


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Chapter 1  Empty Re: Chapter 1

Post by Admin on Sun Sep 13, 2015 5:55 pm

Salut les gars

Pour les persos je ne sais pas trop encore ce qu ils vont etre. Si vous avez des idees je suis preneur.

Le hero Shaa va etre mage pour sur.

Le autres je veux bien des idees

Le nain soit pretre soit mage aussi.
Le warrior Voleur/guerrier ou juste guerrier
La demin elf ranger ou voleur

La suite dans la soiree normalement. Une maison et des orcs.

Pour les noms aussi va peut etre falloir les changer.


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Post by Moriarty on Tue Sep 15, 2015 12:02 am

hello sir.

Bon récit, je trouve. Je me suis trouvé pris dans l'ambiance que tu as su installer, et j'aime bien la dynamique qui existe entre les personnages, d'ores et déjà. Il y a des phrases à reprendre, mais ça reste simple et plaisant à lire. Par contre, tu es un peu fâché avec la ponctuation. Je suis un connard élitiste, certes (si, si, tout le monde le dit), mais je crois vraiment qu'une bonne ponctuation donne le rythme et le souffle d'un bon récit.

Les persos sont classiques, voir stéréotypés, mais ce n'est pas gênant car ils sont bien décrits. Le lecteur de fantasy s'y retrouve de suite.

Les noms ne m'ont pas choqué, je trouve que tu peux les conserver.

J'ai tout particulièrement apprécié l'effort de "mise en scène" : on visualise assez bien ce que font les personnages et où ils sont situés dans l'espace.

Et puis, le niveau de langage n'est pas dégueu', même si certaines formulations vont donner une conjonctivite virale à Gnou... affraid

En résumé, c'est plutôt bon, et je suis chaud pour lire la suite!

A ton clavier!


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Post by Admin on Tue Sep 15, 2015 12:23 am

Bon je vais faire gaffe pour gnou et la ponctuation pour toi.. il me faut avoir plus de recul.

Sinon justement j'aime pas trop le côté stéréotypé. On verra

Je vais poster une meilleur idée de la trame et de la suite


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